


Inspired by real events

by devo79



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-15
Updated: 2012-04-15
Packaged: 2017-11-03 16:54:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/383738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devo79/pseuds/devo79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the story about how Xander Harris died.<br/>No really. It is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inspired by real events

This is the story about how Xander Harris died.

“Um… Hi there. Just, you know. I’m not trying to mess up your story or anything but I’m not dead.”

This is the story of how Xander Harris sacrificed himself so his loved ones could live in a world of…

“Still not dead.”

IN A WORLD OF PEACE AND TRANQUILITY!

“You don’t have to yell. I’m not deaf, you know.”

No, But you are dead. So. There! Anyway, as I was narrating, Xander Harris died to…

“Feel that? That’s my pulse. Not dead.”

Alright. This is the story of how Xander Harris almost died saving his…

“I just stubbed my toe.”

This is the story of how Xander Harris almost died as he stubbed his toe on the dresser in the living room. And this lead to him saving…

“Tv-stand.”

What?

“It was the TV-stand not the dresser…”

Who cares?!

“Well, I just thought you’d want to get the facts straight.”

Facts?! I don’t give a shit about the facts.

“Hey, no need for language like that. So you’re doing a based on real events kinda thing? I get that.”

So… Xander Harris was a construction worker by day and the Slayer’s helper at night.

“That sounds sort of dirty when you say it like that.”

Handy man?

“Even dirtier.”

Sidekick?

“Sidekick sounds good. Yeah. Use that word.”

The Slayer’s sidekick would help her defend humankind against the hordes from Hell.

“Uhhhh, exciting!”

Yes. Very!

“Sarcastic much?”

You keep interrupting.

“Well…sorry.”

The Slayer’s job was slowly wearing her down and her ever loyal sidekick, Xander Harris, saw this and wanted to bring some joy into her life.

“Much needed joy.”

Some much NEEDED joy into her life. He invited all their friends to a movie night at his place.

“Not the basement. I got this sweet deal on a three room apartment close to Willow’s place and it has like this cool view over the town…”

HE HAD… he had already chosen the movie they were going to see.

“At first I was like maybe I should pick a Batman movie but most of my friends are girls and I have to cater to their tastes, right? So I ended up choosing a movie about a girl that…”

The friends arrived!

“But Dawn was not really into that movie. She said the actress made her feel like throwing up. So we ended up watching Twilight. Best damn comedy ever made. Spike snorted beer all over the TV when that Patterson guy started brooding over that chick…Bully…uh…Bella? Yeah, Bella.”

Shut up.

“And then I had to get the chips and the soda. Have to make sure I get the right kind or…”

You know what?

“What?”

I’m leaving.

“What? Why? I need you to narrate my story.”

You keep interrupting!

“Okay I’ll stop.”

Promise?

“Yeah. Sure. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

Okay. The brave sidekick Xander Harris had traveled great distances to acquire sustenance for his weary friends. A much needed break from saving the world was…

“I didn’t acquire sustenance. I just bought some chips and soda…Hey where’re you going? Hey! Come back!”


End file.
